Okay… this story is completely embarrassing, and totally disgusting, and WAY too personal… but it’s so bizarre and funny that I just HAVE to tell it.
I’ve mentioned before that I was taking Lunesta (and I just want to start by stressing the WAS), but I am no longer taking it, so this should be the last weird nighttime/dream story you hear from me. Hopefully.
A few weeks ago I had a very vivid dream about vomiting. I was in the middle of some other strange adventure, and out of nowhere, I dreamed that I had to get to get to a bathroom… and I mean RIGHT NOW. As it goes in dreams, I find a public restroom, and of course, all of the stalls are taken, but there are a few toilets right in the middle of the room with no walls around them, and the place is completely packed. I couldn’t hold it, so I ran to one of the toilets and started throwing up. And this wasn’t your average, run of the mill puke. This was DREAM puke… it was thick- bright yellow- stringy- sticky- gagging me- so thick I was trying to scrape it off my tongue with my fingernails- when I tried to breath it was making bubbles- puke. Pretty disgusting, huh? I really want- no, I NEED- you to understand how disgusting it was. It’s important, because you have to understand why I did what I did next.
You know how sometimes when you brush your teeth with toothpaste that’s really strong, it kind of makes your mouth water, and then when you rinse, you can’t just spit, but you have to kind of do the “kkkkkkkkkwwwwwww” thing to get everything out? Well, this particular dream puke was so stringy that I thought I had to do that to get it all out. So I did. Several times.
It seemed to be helping, so I worked up my strength and really cleared out my mouth, and I spit. And then I woke up… quite suddenly… because my face, neck and shoulder were wet. I shot up in bed, and my first thought was “Oh my gosh, I just totally threw up on myself”. So I ran to the bathroom and looked in the mirror to find that my body had somehow forgotten that I was actually still sleeping, and that I didn’t really need to spit out an entire mouthful of saliva, especially onto MYSELF, so that’s exactly what I had done.
I’m really not a gross person… I just play one in my dreams.
davisw Said:
on December 17, 2008 at 4:59 am
…and then I dreamed I ate a huge marshmallow and when I woke up, my pillow was gone!
Kristy Said:
on December 17, 2008 at 11:09 am
Oh man, one of the ladies in our suite just came back to my office to see what the hell I am cackling about so profusely.
Thank you! I’ve been checking every few days for random acts of humor and silly, but your feet haven’t been wet on the horse bike… err something.
Anonymous Said:
on May 29, 2009 at 1:55 pm
1. Your blog’s even weirder than mine.
2. Did Lunesta make your mouth taste funny, or, like, really bad? It did mine. I couldn’t handle it. I’m not even sure how it passed and got marketed. Tastes like eating digital butterflies.
3. Miss you, Angel. Happy anniversary to you and your husband (what’s his name again?).
Angel Said:
on June 29, 2009 at 11:23 am
I didn’t notice any funny taste at all, actually, although I’ve heard that is a common side effect. There’s a monster under my bed that sticks his dirty socks in my mouth while I’m sleeping, and he’s been doing that forever, so that makes it pretty hard to notice any other new tastes in the mornings. I should leave him a note asking if he noticed anything different. (He’s quite nice, actually… he always removes the socks before I wake up, but I can tell they’ve been there)
Thanks for the anniversary wishes, Drew and I had a great one. Dinner at The Melting pot has become our new tradition, and we were blown away again by the food and the amazing service. They always treat us like VIP’s, and this year they gave us an anniversary card that all of the staff signed. I just can’t say enough nice things about that place.
So, uh… who are you? And where can I read this weird blog?