Who loves ya, baby? NOBODY!

Babies are cute. They’re adorable and we love to hold them, feed them, watch them sleep, bathe them, and sometimes we’ll even offer to change the diaper of someone else’s baby, just so we can hold them again after we’re done, and their stingy parents won’t take them back as soon as they get their paws on them. It’s no coincidence that we want to do these things for babies. They are created cute for a reason. It is a scientific fact that babies are cute so that we’ll want to take care of them. No, really, you can look it up. They are especially cute to their parents. Who doesn’t think they have the cutest baby ever made? And the more your baby looks like you, the better. Babies are born completely helpless, and simply because of the way they look, we want to scoop them up and do everything for them. Let’s face it, if your baby were born looking like your uncle Jethro, you probably wouldn’t want to wipe it’s butt… or nurse it.

The same truth for human babies is also true for dog babies, cat babies, giraffe babies, elephant babies… all babies. Almost. I never cease to be completely repulsed when I see a fly baby. Maggots. They are the most disgusting, vile creatures on the face of the planet, and there are always so many of them!!! I’m not sure how those things can even breathe with all that ugly all over them. Even flies don’t want to take care of them. They just leave them there, all alone, on a pile of garbage or dog poop, or some rotting carcass. They look like worms, so I’m sure that lots of poor birds out there have taken some home to their unsuspecting little ones. I can just picture all the naked, cold, helpless little baby birds, making their sour little grimaces and spitting the maggots back out over the sides of their nests when mom’s not looking. But these things thrive, somehow, and turn into flies who make more maggots. What good are flies, anyway, besides providing nourishment for frogs… and what good are frogs, besides playing banjos and singing songs about rainbows? I’m tired of them, and I say we should get these things neutered and spayed. If we’re supposed to be catching stray cats and dogs, and taking them to the local Humane Society, then why not flies? And the next time you find a little pile of maggots, call Animal Control.


1 Comment »

  1. […] Angel’s blog post from today is exceptionally funny. Go read it. […]

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